心疼她的心痛

她爱他，爱了那么久

可是当障碍不断地随着时间增加

他放弃了，说他累了，辛苦很久了

即时她口是心非地说好

他仍然说走就走

她爱他，爱得入心

说好了放他走

却始终知道放他走是在杀了她

放不下那一段情

那走过不少风风雨雨的一段情

你爱她吗?

是逼不得已地想放弃？

还是即时原因不出自她的家长，你仍然想和她走到最后？

你知道吗？

没有你的夜，她的枕头是湿的

她的心痛，你又知道多少？

你却始终忍心让她承受，放她回归原点

眼泪流干了，感情却从来没有离去

爱，伤人伤得彻底

用一段长久的时间去经营一段感情

却因为你的一句“我很辛苦，让我走” 而放弃了

抚心自问，你到底爱不爱她

不爱了，就说明白，让她要伤就伤得彻底

拖拖拉拉，只会让她继续对你有期望

是忠言，是逆耳，只有当事人才明了

End of 3rd semester

I am back to here.
Suddenly feels like want to share the feeling inside my heart.
Seriously, college life is much more tougher than secondary school.
I enjoyed anyway, just because I have known many friends that can truly trust.
I don't mind to share anything with they guys.
I just think that friends should always be frank to each other.
If you just pretend that you can be smart by those ways,
sorry that I am not your friend actually.
It's just personal comment, don't need to be so suspicion to what I am saying.
I will be kind enough if you are kind to me.
If you are just talking bullshit there, then please leave.
I don't need such friends that just want to treat you as a tool to be successful.
Teamwork is the way to be success, not just rely on others to help you.
You can study harder and concentrate more if you think that you will not success.
People can do so, you can do as well.
Don't always think I am so kind, sorry, I am the bad one. =)

END OF THIRD SEMESTER...
I love you all guys. The best ever friends and classmates I have. =)

The night

You is going out with friends after sent me back home.
Sitting in the car, I was remembered something.
Sigh, I should not remember it actually.
Hate my brain, kill off the memories. =(

I don't want to make you unhappy anymore.
As long as you happy, my feeling is doesn't matter.
I am serious. Ya, I think.
Hmmm, should be on bed now.

Controlling the stupid tears again, damn.
I think is stomach pain makes me feel like crying.
Is damn pain, haiz.

Night.

原来我不知道的事，在你说出来的那一刻是多么地伤人。

原谅我的自以为是，是我不够好。

不想在你的面前流泪，连对着你说对不起，也没有勇气。

你的包容，能撑到多久。我开始害怕。

我以为只要我们在一起，不管在哪里，你也会和我一样开心。

今天，我知道了，你其实不快乐。

是我，让你失去了和朋友一起的时间。

我好想问，你是不是很辛苦。

我问不出来，因为我真的没有勇气听你说。

对不起，真的。

The reunion dinner @ 2012

Reunion dinner, there is a home made Poon Choi in my house.
It will be more fun if hubby here, but he is at Johor now.
Tomorrow is first day of Chinese New Year.
Wondering what time I should wake up actually, lol.
Anyway, a good news, I get 3 ang pau today.
Heee.
Bye.

Thursday

Back to here, again.
Watch a video, don't know cry because of touch, or else.
Sigh, forget it, I should be used to it.
Just let it become your daily activities, without me.

My mood is just swing.
If I don't expect something from you, I think I will be better.
Tears drop again and again.
So hurt, baby.

I will be okay after today.
I swear, I will.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4jfeL4uvjZ0

就像一個夢想　只能　想像 

就像兩個氣球　不容　碰撞 

說聲很有感覺　簡單　承認真實相處的感覺　

很難 一點點不安　就掛在心上 

不是愛不起　只是傷不起 只知道堅持脆弱浪漫　

不知道誰不自量 還難過　誰能忘　以為追求完美卻又經不起受傷 

既然歡樂變成負擔　只有不歡而散 

就像咖啡只能　不斷　加糖 

就像親吻不曾　預備　心酸 

只會接受相擁感動　不愿面對抱頭痛哭　

難堪 悲傷到這樣　也只能這樣 

不是愛不起　只是傷不起 只知道堅持脆弱浪漫　

不知道誰不自量 還難過　誰能忘 以為追求完美卻沒想過會受傷 

既然歡樂變成負擔　只有　不歡而散 

不是不愛你　只是傷不起 不斷在分享沒想過分擔 

一字差　太易　莽撞 才失望　就絕望 以為追求完美變成兩敗俱傷 

既然歡樂變成負擔　活該　不歡而散 

6 more days to go!

I am back in the night, cheeze!
I am excited to back to college, start class and get crazy with my classmates.
Semester break is just 3 weeks but I already felt boring in the second week of break.
A short break will be better for me, to rest enough.

I miss my classmates so much!

All right, stop being too excited.

My game's friends always ask me to keep my image, 淑女形象!

Haha, actually, game is a place to know more people.

They seldom scold me not enough good manner, because I seldom scold bad words in Facebook.

Anyway, I should not make my blog looks death again.

My previous blog is much more better than this. =P

At least, many interesting memories in my secondary school were there.

Ya, I miss my sisters and besties so much. 

If I am free in the first week of new semester, I would be plan to gather with them.

Maybe, one week? 

Time will not be enough for me and my sisters.

Why?

Because we will be crazy of taking photos! Muahahaha...

Erm, okay, keep my image.

Stop crazy talking about nonsense any more.

It's the time to reply message. =P

Bye~

New year begin

A new year, a new hope?
Sigh, I will stop study once I finish my diploma okay?
Stop keep talking about money.
I had borrowed loan already, what you want from me again?

Don't everyday just ask me about money.
I know money is very important, but please don't make it as daily topic.
Loan also need to wait right? Be patient, please, guys.
I am not the government, so how I will know the loan will be coming for me?

Sigh, money always the topic before Chinese New Year.
Don't act as rich person if you don't have enough money to use.
Your brothers and sisters did not treat you good as others.
Ang pau is just a "lai si", not must be above fifty or hundreds.
Don't you know they just like to give 2 bucks?
Doesn't matter about the amount inside the ang pau, I don't care.
Since they did not treat you good, what for you waste your money for them?
Don't need give them and they don't need give us also.
Fair. =)

Forget about money.
Another new semester, please end the semester break.
I don't want to stay home any more.
It's too boring, without him. ^^

倒数16个小时

心，空了。
泪，干了。
开始倒数16个小时，去吧。
我真失败。
你们要他，我就让你们吧，我累了。

反正整个学期，他见你们，还多过见我。
圣诞节，也一个人。
罢了，我服输。
反正，这个学期你们没有拿完我的时间，也不会算的。
就当这个学期是垃圾学期。
我的时间都拿来秃废，当个废人。

夜

时间过得快，也过得慢。

谁知道，我的夜晚，是怎么过。

我不想再让眼泪弄湿我的枕头。

我的泪，就快要干了。

心里的话，找谁去说？

我没有勇气说出口。

就像是dear说的—— If love does not exist, pain does not exist.

有时这句话是对的，相反地，有时是错的。

她曾说的一句话，一点也没有错。

     一个人在夜晚哭泣，是个难受的感觉。

只不过，我们两个，都有着不同的故事。

她有她的苦衷，我有我的难过。

而我的难过，到底从哪里来，我自己也很迷茫。

是最近吧，我的眼泪比较不受控制。

是时候该停一停了，努力地对着现在坐在电脑面前的自己说。

我不想解释，不想说原因，因为我自己也不清楚，我到底是个怎样的人。

我好想说，不要，可是我说不出口。

是的，或许我是个自私的人，一味地想留你在身边。

可是你并不快乐，你需要的，不只是只有我。

这几天，好想拿回自己的房间。

至少，半夜忽然哭起来的时候，没有人会知道。

至少，哭的时候，自己可以冷静一下想一想要怎么做。

甚至，我的难过也不需要任何理由。

已经好久好久，没有写那么难过的东西。

忽然这样，我自己也好不习惯，真的。

现在，眼泪又停了一下。

想一想，真的要我不再去在乎吗？

明明自己就知道，不去在乎的方法只有一个。

可是那个方法，一点也行不通哦。

因为，我不可能会放弃他。

即使我自己难过，我也不会放弃。

即使明知道自己做不到。

即使………再多个即使……

唉，我不但是个自私的人，还有点自我矛盾的感觉。

难怪，最近的我，那么奇怪。

23 December ; 13:19

I am here today.
Still not yet fully recover but it's already been okay.
Today is Yee Liang's birthday, having BBQ tonight on his house.
But I think I am not going, maybe, it's better.
He told me he will be going and he asked me to stay home since I were sick.
Anyway, I just follow ba.

Don't want to make him feel that I like to follow him and I will be unhappy if I didn't follow.
I just, need a peace right now.
He likes to hang out with his friends without me,
then I will not following.
Maybe it's the time to change.
Almost 2 years, something that he could ignore last time,
he might not ignore now any more.
Just let it be, and I will be silent.
Don't want to talk so much and lastly argue for the same things again.
I am tired seriously.

My body is sick, and my heart is sick too.
I will try my best to cure, without any help.
I could be independent as you never seen before.
Believe me, if I don't want to do that, and I will not do that any more.
I am still me, I didn't change my basic rules and my safety zone.

It's semester break

Finally go through the four subjects in the 2nd semester.
Many mistakes I have done in the final exams and very hopefully I can get my cGPA of 3.5 this semester.
Not much to talk about my college life, seriously, it's better than staying home without things to do.
However, my semester break is ongoing by staying home and sleep.
Can you imagine I can sleep from 1am until 3pm?
They thought I were crazy.

Sigh, feels like nothing to chat here?
Ya, it's because I just staying home.
Went 1 Utama bought my new year clothes, still not yet found my dream dress.
Just don't want to keep stay simple, I need to have changes.

Let's try to get a haircut, dye hair and rebonding.
Then, try some clothes which are acceptable.
Do not know what I will looks like if I change my taste, lol.
But still remain the same rule, keep it simple.
But I will not accept colourful clothes with flowers or what ever patterns.
It makes me looks mature than my actual age.
I know my face already looks mature, so that I don't want to make myself more mature.
Make up? Hmm, thinking to learn it. =)

Many activities I wish to plan, but, I have no car in this semester.
What to do? Unless got transport, or not I just can stay home.
Feels want to gather with my ji mui and friends.
I know I just hanging out with Ronnie and Aaron, but still not yet with my ji mui.
Lol, don't think too much first.
Bless myself to get my result soon, I know I am still stress of it. =X

醒觉

有时，我宁愿不去想，也不去问。
反正结果会是和预料中的一样，是一连串的谎言。
我说的每一句，即使你不听，我再也无所谓。
只因为我的身份，容不了我多说。

或许我的爱是枷锁，让你喘不过气。
或许我说的话不够明白，你不了解。
或许我的态度不好，让你觉得厌烦。
那么就和我说，你不需要这些，只需要静静的我。

我就不去理会，当作眼睛盲了看不到。
听到的，当耳边风，左耳进右耳出。
这样的我，你又觉得我在不开心，发脾气。
错了，只是累了，我不想再管那么多。
什么都当作看不到，或许我更开心。

你也乐得自在，出门不用交代。
想去哪里就去，不用再在乎我怎么想。
不用每星期陪我，哪里也不能去。
甚至要去clubbing，也不用让我知道。

如果这时你想要的，我会做得到。
因为我不会再流泪，为了你一层又一层的谎言。

Say hello to 11.11.11

Yay, just back from dinner.
Hubby brought me go Star Village dinner o.
Feel so happy that this is the second time we celebrate our birthday together.
Sweet. <3

We ordered black pepper chicken chop, golden chicken chop and chicken spaghetti.
Growing weight later on. Haha.
The drink does not taste good, sorry. =3
This Friday is a memorable day.
I am happy and excited with this.

And for the next Friday, it will be his birthday.
Wow, I gonna plan something best for him.
Don't know will success or not.
But I still will try my best.

I love you, hubby.
Mwah.
This weekend he will be working.
Stay home and fight for assignment!
Support you. <3

A broken heart

What should I do now.
Please tell me how.
What the fuck I can do now.
Hahahahahahaahahahaha.

I am such useless.
An useless person.
Hahahahahahahahahaha.